Feminist encounters of the third kind (EN)

(Puedes leer la entrada original en español, aquí.)


Somebody asked me to translate one of the Spanish posts, so here it comes.

The other day I went to see a cabaret show titled Stranded (original title: Varadas), a claim of women’s rights in a fairly poetic way.

I went to the theater with a friend from university. After the play, as it usually happens every time one goes to see a controversial play, we started an intense debate about the plot. We talked about sexism, and feminism and how some women tend to victimize themselves.

I would like to define some terms of social psychology before proceeding (to make sure we are all talking about the same concepts):

• Sexism refers to beliefs and attitudes in relation to the gender of a person. Therefore includes both men and women. For example, "all guys are pigs" and "all girls are sluts" are forms of sexism.

But sexism does not include only negative aspects, it also takes into account the whole set of beliefs about the roles, characteristics and behaviors considered appropriate for men and women. We should therefore distinguish between two very different types of sexism.

Hostile sexism is an antagonistic attitude toward women. It includes the following beliefs:

• Women are inferior compared to men. For example, before the establishment of democracy in Spain, a woman could not open a bank account at a bank without the permission of her husband or father , just as occurs now with minors.

• Women and men have different characteristics and their roles and occupations should also be different, (being the man’s role of greater status and prestige). For example, the hierarchical structure of the Catholic Church.

• Women are often viewed as trying to control men through feminist ideology or sexual seduction.

Benevolent sexism is a chivalrous attitude toward women that feels favorable but is actually sexist because it casts women as weak creatures in need of men's protection. It includes the following beliefs:

• Protective paternalism: the man must take care of and protect his woman, because she is weaker and more fragile.
• Complementarity: women have many positive characteristics, that are a complement to men’s. For example, they are good in cooking, babysitting, etc.
• Heterosexual intimacy: a woman is seen as the ideal complement to provide affection and love to a man. Every man should have a good woman to love him.

I am sure it is just a stereotype, but I have always had the impression that lesbians and feminists are generally very sensitive to sexism, both hostile and benevolent, sometimes to an extreme.

. . .

One day when I was arriving at work, I noticed a woman behind me carrying two boxes. I went out of the elevator and was about to go through the door leading to the office space. I went ahead, and opening the main door, I stepped aside to offer the girl to go first. As I was holding the door open, she rolled her eyes and then gave me a death stare.

Feminist Co-worker highly sensitive towards benevolent sexism (from now on, known as F.C.W.): What do you think?, that I cannot open the door by myself?

Alen: Excuse me?

F.C.W.: You know that opening the door for a girl is a form of sexism.

Alen: And when I open the door for another guy, what is that, then?

F.C.W.: But You do that because you think a woman is weaker than a man.

Needless to say, I went immediately to the other side of the door closing it behind me. Then I observed how FCW tried, failing repeatedly, to open the door while having both hands full with boxes. Finally she was smart enough to lay down one of the boxes on the ground the soil to grab the door knob, and while holding the door open, she kicked the box on the floor trying to push it past the door, inside the office space. I remained there as a mere spectator of the scene, until my boss came by and said:

Boss: But, Alen, man don’t you help the poor girl? ...

A smile appeared on my face as I started walking to my desk. Behind me, fading away in the distance, I heard FCW exchanging some words with my boss.

Benevolent sexism is an ideology that supports gender inequality. Whereas women are more likely than men to reject hostile sexism, they often endorse benevolent sexism.

If you're a guy, do you show courtesy towards women, or do you think chivalry is a form of sexism?

If you are a girl, would you like a guy to open the door for you, or help you to take off your coat; do you think your man should protect you?

Do you think old fairy tale stories where the prince rescues the damsel in distress encourage sexism? Do you read those stories to your kids?

Or do you think that sexism is no longer a problem and that women's claims are exaggerated*?

* Neosexism: A more subtle form of sexism based on the beliefs that women have already achieved equality, and that women who say otherwise are whining or trying to gain an unfair advantage.