Possessiveness and Jealousy (EN)

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In the article I wrote about "Jealousy and Cheating Detection Theory" Juanjo asked in the comments: "Can anyone out there describe clearly and to the point the difference between jealousy and possessiveness?" 

Possessiveness is the feeling that something or someone belongs to you, for example, a slave. You consider that this person is yours and they must obey you. Possessiveness would be what in psychology is called a dispositional factor. It is a person’s disposition and it is not triggered by external (or internal) events. 

This is the result of a person’s education. There was a time when having slaves was socially accepted and that cultural value was passed on from generation to generation. 

Possessiveness in the relationship can lead to jealousy when we see that the other person, not only do not obey us, but also cares for another. This negative feeling of lack of control over our partner, together with the eagerness to regain control at any cost is called jealousy.

Jealousy is an emotional response to a perceived threat or loss (real or imaginary). Possessiveness is a static feeling that can last over time, while jealousy may be temporary, and is triggered by a specific psychological situation.

Be aware that a psychological situation, might not be what happens in actuality, but the interpretation a person has about a real situation. 

Jealousy is related not only to possessiveness, but to insecurity as well. A jealous person might not feel good enough for their partner. If we feel our partner would rather be with someone else or doing something else, and that thought causes us pain, because we want them to be with us, we are feeling jealous. 

When we feel we lose control over our partner, jealousy arises. Therefore, there can be possessiveness without jealousy, if we do not experience this loss of control over the significant other, but we still believe they belong to us. 

How you interpret a situation as a trigger of jealousy on the chronically accessible constructs that we have. 

For example, if your partner receives a phone call from someone and does not tell you who they are, you can begin thinking that they are cheating on you. Infidelity would be a chronically accessible construct for you. We have seen that one way to make a construct chronically accessible is by being yourself unfaithful. You can see a broader explanation about chronically accessible constructs in the post "Projection: do you see your flaws in others?”

According to research in psychopathology, morbid jealousy (pathological doubts and suspicions  regarding the potential attraction between one's partner and a 'perhaps imaginary' rival) occurs very frequently in alcoholics, dependent men, or impotent men. 

I do not know if this answers your question. To sum it up:

• Jealousy is an emotional response to a threat or a loss (imaginary or real), while possessiveness is simply the feeling that something or someone belongs to you.
• So if think you are losing the person you feel you possess, you will experience jealousy. 
• There can be possessiveness without jealousy; however jealousy without possessiveness would be rare.