Along the same line of thought of the previous post, we've seen how individuals formulate implicit theories about the nature of relationships, which influence their motivations and behaviors.
Implicit theories are defined as personal ideas or beliefs about a particular phenomenon such as intelligence, friendship, love, personality, etc. For example, everybody has an implicit theory about what an intelligent person is. This everyday view of intelligence would be an implicit intelligence theory. That might be or not be close to what psychologists and other experts define as intelligence.
Regarding friendships (as well as romantic relationships) individuals may have a destiny theory. That means they believe individuals are either meant or not meant to be together. They are either intrinsically compatible or not.
This belief varies from culture to culture. A popular use of astrology is a good example of that. People who belief in astrology have implicit personality theories about zodiac signs and their compatibility. Have you ever been asked for your zodiac sign?
Research shows that destiny theorists place an excessive emphasis on initial relationship and partner qualities when evaluating the viability of the relationship. People with a strong destiny belief would test potential partners fairly quickly, make their judgement, and move on if the judgement was negative.
The opposite belief would be the growth belief. For these individuals relationship satisfaction is completely unrelated to how well the partner fit the individual’s ideal standard. These people take a more committed, long-term approach to their dating relationships.
These theories also predict differences in how people would respond to negative events within the relationship. Those scoring high on the destiny belief should distance themselves or withdraw from the relationship when things go wrong (a relatively helpless response), whereas those scoring high on the growth belief should engage in more active, mastery-oriented coping that would enable them to solve the problem and learn form the experience.
The same principles apply to friendships. This is especially important during the adolescence period which marks the need for greater intimacy and closeness that can only be satisfied within friendships. Here, individuals holding a destiny theory believe that friendships will either work or not, and ultimately the fate of the friendship is out of each partners’ hands. These individuals attempt to evaluate the validity of the friendship; is this friendship worth their involvement? They see that some friendships are just not meant to be and it may be a waste of time to put effort into trying to maintain that friendship.
A recent study with a sample of 166 sixth grade children showed that endorsement of growth beliefs was associated directly with greater intimacy, conflict resolution and valuing of friendships, while destiny beliefs depended on children’s satisfaction in their friendship.
If you hold a destiny belief (and if you were raised in a western culture
and influenced by Disney movies, you probably do), when you meet someone you like, you will find yourself evaluating that person to see if he/she is compatible with you. Also if your partner matches your ideal for a romantic partner, you will have greater satisfaction in the relationship, but if he/she does not meet your ideal standards, oh well...
One might think a growth belief is a better option than a destiny belief, and wants to become a growth theorist. However this idea lives very deeply in one's mind and it is difficult to change. Your culture, your parents, your friends, the movies you have seen have instilled a particular point of view about the matter and now it is part of you.
So, to which theory are you appointed?
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