Bowlby's Attachment Theory (EN)

Before we dig deeply into Bowlby's Attachment Theory, have a look at these four quadrants and tell me with which one you feel most identified.

A	B
I'm at ease when I'm emotionally close to someone. I feel comfortable depending on others or when others depend on me. I'm OK if I'm alone. It does not bother me when other people do not accept me.	I feel comfortable without emotionally close relationships. It is very important for me to feel independent and self-sufficient and I'd rather not depend on other people, nor that other people depend on me.
C	D
When I'm involved in a emotionally close relationship, I start feeling uncomfortable. Although I may like getting emotionally close to other people, I find it difficult to trust them or depend on them completely. I'm concerned that I might get hurt if I allow myself to get too close to someone.	I would like to experience more intimacy with other people, but I feel that they are often reluctant to be as close to me as I would like. I feel something is missing when I'm not in a relationship. It sometimes concerns me that others do not appreciate me as much as I appreciate them.

Psychologists define attachment as an emotional bond to another person. The theory of attachment was originally developed by John Bowlby (1907 - 1990), a British psychoanalyst who was attempting to understand the intense distress experienced by infants who had been separated from their parents. Bowlby observed that some separated infants would go to extraordinary lengths (e.g., crying, clinging, frantically searching) to either prevent separation from their parents or to reestablish proximity to a missing parent, while others would remain calm and unaffected.

Research on adult attachment shows that the earliest bonds formed by children with their caregivers have a tremendous impact that continues throughout life. The same system that gives rise to the close emotional bond between parents and their children is responsible for the bond that develops between adults in emotionally intimate relationships.

The thoughts and feelings aroused by the way we were brought up by our parents crystallize in internal ways of thinking and behaving about two schemes:

• The way we think about ourselves (our self worth and self esteem).
• The expectations we have about others (whether they'll be available to us or sensible to our needs).

These internal ways of thinking will manifest themselves in very different type of relationships: father-son, friends, close friends, therapist-patient, teacher-student, lovers and intimate relationships.

There are four basic categories of romantic attachment. They're the result of combining the way we perceive ourselves and the view we have about others.

• Secure adults find it relatively easy to get close to others and are comfortable depending on others and having others depend on them. Secure adults don't often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to them.
• Avoidant adults are somewhat uncomfortable being close to others; they find it difficult to trust others completely, difficult to allow themselves to depend on others. They are nervous when anyone gets too close, and often, their love partners want them to be more intimate than they feel comfortable being.
• Preoccupied adults find that others are reluctant to get as close as they would like. They often worry that their partner doesn't really love them or won't want to stay with them. They want to merge completely with another person, and this desire sometimes scares people away.

So, can you guess which of the categories correspond to the thoughts in quadrants A,B,C and D? Give it a try and post it in the comments.

Research shows that 79% of people in most cultures have a secure attachment style, while in Eastern Asia preoccupied is the prevalent style. Which one do you think you have?